SEAN ASTIN FINISHES IRONMAN RACE TO FANS SHOUTING, “RUDY! RUDY!”: Except for one skinny guy who kept demanding his “precious.”
RAPPER WIZ KHALIFA CITED FOR PUBLIC URINATION: Irony calls it a day.
AMY SCHUMER KICKS OUT FEMALE HECKLER FOR YELLING DURING STAND-UP SET: Rosie O’Donnell later apologized.
SHIA LABEOUF ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INTOXICATION: He’s as upset as everyone about the possible new “Transformers” films.
RANDY QUAID DETAINED TRYING TO CROSS U.S. BORDER FROM CANADA: Donald Trump demands wall to keep out Cousin Eddie.
BRYAN CRANSTON WANTS MARVEL TO WRITE HIM A “NASTY” VILLAIN ROLE: “I am the one who knocks … down buildings!”
ANNE HATHAWAY REPORTEDLY SENDS BACK BREAKFAST ORDER 4 TIMES: Apparently, it didn’t have enough spit in it.
PHIL COLLINS TO PUBLISH AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 2016: He reveals backstage drama, meaning of “Sussudio.”
DICK VAN DYKE TO SAVE CHILDHOOD HOME FROM DEMOLITION: Bulldozer trips over the ottoman.
CHRISSY TEIGAN SAYS SHE AND JOHN LEGEND ARE PREGNANT: Finally, an heir to Springfield’s throne.
METALLICA FRONTMAN CONFIRMS BAND IS RECORDING NEW ALBUM: Everyone within a 200-mile radius already knew.
JOHNNY DEPP SWEARS HE “NEVER” WANTS TO WIN AN OSCAR: That explains “Mortdecai,” “Dark Shadows” and “The Lone Ranger.”
NEW MUMMY IN UNIVERSAL’S MONSTER UNIVERSE MIGHT BE FEMALE: Producers are keeping her under wraps.
MILEY CYRUS AND FLAMING LIPS PLANNING NAKED CONCERT: Or, for Miley, a “concert.”
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, KYLE NAGEL
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