HOT TOPICS: The week in celebrity headlines

“PLAYBOY” TO STOP PUBLISHING NUDE PHOTOS: Hugh Hefner wants to devote more space to shuffleboard and Bingo.

“PAN” FLOPS AT THE BOX OFFICE: People don’t like Hugh Jackman with his shirt on.

SEAN ASTIN FINISHES IRONMAN RACE TO FANS SHOUTING, “RUDY! RUDY!”: Except for one skinny guy who kept demanding his “precious.”

RAPPER WIZ KHALIFA CITED FOR PUBLIC URINATION: Irony calls it a day.

AMY SCHUMER KICKS OUT FEMALE HECKLER FOR YELLING DURING STAND-UP SET: Rosie O’Donnell later apologized.

SHIA LABEOUF ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC INTOXICATION: He’s as upset as everyone about the possible new “Transformers” films.

RANDY QUAID DETAINED TRYING TO CROSS U.S. BORDER FROM CANADA: Donald Trump demands wall to keep out Cousin Eddie.

BRYAN CRANSTON WANTS MARVEL TO WRITE HIM A “NASTY” VILLAIN ROLE: “I am the one who knocks … down buildings!”

ANNE HATHAWAY REPORTEDLY SENDS BACK BREAKFAST ORDER 4 TIMES: Apparently, it didn’t have enough spit in it.

PHIL COLLINS TO PUBLISH AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN 2016: He reveals backstage drama, meaning of “Sussudio.”

DICK VAN DYKE TO SAVE CHILDHOOD HOME FROM DEMOLITION: Bulldozer trips over the ottoman.

CHRISSY TEIGAN SAYS SHE AND JOHN LEGEND ARE PREGNANT: Finally, an heir to Springfield’s throne.

METALLICA FRONTMAN CONFIRMS BAND IS RECORDING NEW ALBUM: Everyone within a 200-mile radius already knew.

JOHNNY DEPP SWEARS HE “NEVER” WANTS TO WIN AN OSCAR: That explains “Mortdecai,” “Dark Shadows” and “The Lone Ranger.”

NEW MUMMY IN UNIVERSAL’S MONSTER UNIVERSE MIGHT BE FEMALE: Producers are keeping her under wraps.

MILEY CYRUS AND FLAMING LIPS PLANNING NAKED CONCERT: Or, for Miley, a “concert.”

— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, KYLE NAGEL

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