UPDATE:

Ohio lawmakers going after cities that use red-light, traffic cameras

D.L. STEWART: America protests the loss of its sauce


Children cried. Cops were dispatched to hold back angry crowds. Lawsuits we’re threatened. Boycotts were called for. America was in turmoil once again.

And who could blame it? Because this has become a country without Szechuan sauce.

Well, not exactly. There probably still is enough Szechuan sauce on the shelves of America’s supermarkets to fill a wok the size of Idaho. But it’s not McDonald’s Szechuan sauce. And that’s the issue, which came to a head after the fast-food empire announced it was making limited packets of its faux Chinese condiment available last Saturday.

Even though it hasn’t been on the McDonald’s menu for 19 years, the sauce has achieved cult status. In April, two packets of the sauce that a man said he found in an old car reportedly sold for $14,700 on eBay. Its appeal was revived by a recent reference to it on the television show “Rick and Morty,” which runs on Adult Swim and apparently is favored by viewers who enjoy hearing cartoon characters saying dirty words.

So when McDonald’s announced its one-day promotion, Americans flocked to the golden arches. Whether they planned to squirt the sauce on their french fries or merely stash it in old cars for future sales on eBay is unclear.

In Wellington, Fla., it was reported that a crowd in excess of 1,000 had camped out for hours to get the sauce and police had to be called to keep it from storming the yellow arches when it was discovered the limited supply had reached its limit.

Sign-waving crowds chanting “We want sauce,” were reported at other McDonald’s across the country. And, as America tends to do in times of national crises, it took to twitter.

“Anyone know how we can file a class action suit for false advertising?” one twit asked.

A mother tweeted that her sauce-deprived 9-year-old son was crying and threatened to never eat at McDonald’s again. Which, all nutritional things considered, would probably not be the worst decision the kid could ever make.

As a result of the kerfuffle, McDonald’s has apologized and promised to make the sauce available sometime in the future. So perhaps the furor will subside and the nation can once more turn its attention to other concerns, such as who’s kneeling at football games.

Still, it has to make you proud to live in a country where people have nothing more urgent to do than stand outside a burger joint and shout, “We want sauce.”

Although not all of America was upset, of course. Some people might even say the whole thing was silly. Especially people in Puerto Rico chanting “We want water.”



Reader Comments ...


Next Up in Local

2 guilty in firefighter’s death: ‘While we were planning a funeral, they were gambling in Las Vegas’
2 guilty in firefighter’s death: ‘While we were planning a funeral, they were gambling in Las Vegas’

Nearly two years after a fire killed a Hamilton firefighter, homeowner Lester Parker and his nephew, William Tucker, were convicted of aggravated arson and murder and sentenced to life with the possibility of parole after 15 years. The jury of five women and seven men deliberated a little more than two hours before delivering the verdict Wednesday...
5 must-read stories this Thanksgiving Eve, hint: it may save your life
5 must-read stories this Thanksgiving Eve, hint: it may save your life

If you’re sitting at home with family, or stuck in the car or at the airport waiting to get to family, here are Five Must-Read Stories from this week. “The issues were not with the children but with the adults! Fighting over the last toys on the shelf, the color that they absolutely had to have, etc. I wanted to send them all home to bed...
2 new stores coming to Cincinnati Premium Outlets in early 2018
2 new stores coming to Cincinnati Premium Outlets in early 2018

Cincinnati Premium Outlets will welcome two new retailers early next year Shinola will bring its variety of watches, accessories, leather goods, bicycles and journals to the outlet malls lineup of more than 100 stores as of April 1, 2018, according to parent company, Simon, a company that deals in shopping, dining and entertainment destinations. Founded...
$2K+ of suspected stolen merchandise recovered in bust
$2K+ of suspected stolen merchandise recovered in bust

A 21-year-old Columbus woman is facing theft charges after police said they recovered more than $2,000 worth of suspected stolen merchandise from the vehicle she was driving. Satia Dunson, of Columbus, is charged with theft and possession of criminal tools and has pleaded not guilty to the charges. German Twp. Police spotted Dunson’s vehicle...
Traveling for Thanksgiving? Here are the worst times to hit the road this week
Traveling for Thanksgiving? Here are the worst times to hit the road this week

Before people sit down at the dinner table for a Thanksgiving meal on Thursday they may have to hit the road. WAZE, a traffic app and website, has released its list of worst times to travel for the holiday and start of the shopping season. The earlier travelers get on the road, the better off they’ll be, according to WAZE. Ohioans will luck out...
More Stories