JIMMY FALLON COULD REPLACE JAY LENO BY NEXT YEAR: Jimmy better start working on not being funny.
HEIDI KLUM IS NEW “AMERICA’S GOT TALENT” JUDGE: Howard devising ways he can get her to take her top off.
“THE HOBBIT” HITS $1 BILLION IN GLOBAL TICKET SALES: Studio execs nervously watch for dragons.
“MAD MEN” IS BEING SUED OVER ITS OPENING CREDITS: Five seasons later and that dude has yet to hit the pavement.
STONE TEMPLE PILOTS FIRE SINGER SCOTT WEILAND: Weiland shocked to learn he was still in Stone Temple Pilots.
CHARLIE SHEEN WANTS TO MENTOR LINDSAY LOHAN: She’s not even close to reaching her potential for crazy.
MICHAEL JORDAN HIT WITH PATERNITY SUIT: Still scoring easily.
AUSTRALIAN MINERS FIRED FOR POSTING VIDEO OF THEM DOING “HARLEM SHAKE”: They should have stuck with “The Safety Dance.”
JUSTIN BIEBER TWEETS “WORST BIRTHDAY” EVER: His voice finally changed.
WALK-THROUGH COLON ASSEMBLED IN TIMES SQUARE TO PROMOTE CANCER PREVENTION: City’s street people make sure it’s realistic.
BARBARA WALTERS SAYS “WELL-KNOWN” ACTOR GAVE HER CHICKEN POX: That’s the last time she makes out with Russell Brand.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER NAMED EDITOR OF “MUSCLE & FITNESS” MAGAZINE: His column will be called “High T, Low IQ.”
KYLIE JENNER IS DATING JADEN SMITH: And they say there’s no American royalty.
HARRISON FORD SIGNS ON FOR “ANCHORMAN 2”: “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doofuses.”
TAYLOR SWIFT SAYS SHE’S NOT A “CLINGY, INSANE, DESPERATE GIRLFRIEND”: Coincidentally, that’s the name of Harry Styles’ new single.
GEORGE LUCAS PLANS TO OPEN ART MUSEUM: It’s for his paintings of Ewoks with big, sad eyes.
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, TERRY MORRIS