REESE WITHERSPOON “DEEPLY EMBARRASSED” ABOUT ARREST: Not to mention “Water for Elephants.”
“60 MINUTES,” “48 HOURS” TWITTER ACCOUNTS HACKED: Time Bandits brought in for questioning.
BEN STILLER SAYS ROGER EBERT APOLOGIZED FOR BLISTERING “ZOOLANDER” REVIEW: Derek Zoolander still pouting.
NORTH DAKOTA ANCHORMAN FIRED FOR ON-AIR PROFANITY: Stay classy, Bismarck.
JUSTIN BIEBER TWEETS, THEN DELETES COZY SELENA GOMEZ PHOTO: Selena’s head was just Photoshopped on his monkey.
BACKSTREET BOYS GET STAR ON HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME: It’s in an alley.
“MAD MEN” MAKERS CONSIDER FLORIDA SPACE SHOW: Don Draper finds a genie in bottle, compulsively cheats on her.
MICHAEL BAY APOLOGIZES FOR “ARMAGEDDON”: Stops short of giving everyone their $8.50 back.
TARA REID HAS OUTBURST IN L.A. CLOTHING STORE AFTER BEING REFUSED A DISCOUNT: “Don’t you know who I am?” met with a resounding “no.”
BEN AFFLECK SET TO EAT ON $1.50 FOR ONE DAY: Begs Michael Bay for his $8.50 back.
BRYAN CRANSTON TO PLAY PRESIDENT LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON IN PLAY: Aaron Paul to play Vice President Hubert Humphrey as a bumbling meth head.
ADAM LEVINE, USHER TRADE TOP TALENT AS “THE VOICE” HEATS UP: Levine also had to throw in a Bulbasaur and Pikachu.
DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON HAS EMERGENCY SURGERY AFTER WRESTLEMANIA CLASH: Can you smell the anesthesia?
JUDE LAW SPEAKS OUT AGAINST CANADIAN SEAL HUNT: “The guy’s had it hard enough after being dumped by Heidi Klum.”
UNION MUSICIANS PICKET MARVEL AND DISNEY OVER “IRON MAN 3”: They demand a catchier theme song, like “Batman” and “Spider-man.”
KIM KARDASHIAN FINALLY ENJOYING PREGNANCY: She discovered Oreos.
— DAVE LARSEN, RANDY PALMER, TERRY MORRIS