I am sick of seeing only dysfunctional rich women from America’s southern and coastal states throw champagne into each other’s faces.
How about a “Real Housewives of” show that features good ole “heartland” frenemies blinding each other with Jack Daniels and Kamchatka Vodka.
The so-called flyover states have “houses” and we most certainly have “wives.”
And sometimes, the wives in these parts do more than just pick up the kids and shop at Kroger.
We also get all catty with each other on occasion and think unholy thoughts about our neighbors just like those crazy broads on TV.
There is just no camera crew following us around.
While so-called real housewives in Orange County, New York City, Atlanta, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, and Miami get TV shows, the real housewives of Piqua, Wichita, Kansas and Munich, Ind. don’t even get a side eye from Bravo, the network home of the Real Housewives franchise.
And yeah, we know what a side eye is.
Women in the “other states” have been rolling eyes and aggressively talking with our hands for generations now.
How else would our forests have been cleared?
Perhaps Bravo doesn’t think we have enough super skinny, potty-mouthed chain smokers to build a series around.
I for one would put our super skinny, potty-mouthed chain smokers up against any super skinny, potty-mouthed chain smoker anywhere in the world.
Ours even know how to drive in the snow.
Speaking of the world, the Real Housewives of Melbourne is set to premiere Sunday, Feb. 23, in Australia. The franchise also has had shows in Canada and France.
Australia, Canada and France, but no Ohio, Indiana, Kansas, Nebraska, Oklahoma, North Dakota, Iowa, Colorado, Texas or Kentucky housewives.
A Real Housewives of Louisville would make for outstanding television.
It could center around a gang of race-horse-owning socialites that drink Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve bourbon by the gallon.
Real Housewives of Cincinnati could showcase a group of friends who lock horns in a Gold Star Chili vs. Skyline Chili battle.
Real Housewives of Topeka can be a continuation of the Brown v. Board of Education drama but invoking only rich women with attitude problems.
The Real Housewives of Dayton could gorge themselves like queens on stewed tomatoes and square-cut pizza while sunning at Caesar Creek State Park beach.
In a grab for ratings, the women on Real Housewives of Denver could throw charity marijuana tastings that go horribly wrong when someone brings up the Super Bowl.
Hollyweird will no doubt just ignore my suggestions, but I know and they know that I know the Flyover States have our fair share of unstable, attention-seeking women.
Then again, maybe it is for the best that we keep our “Real Housewives” on lock down and this is an instance where they should just keep flying over us.