I was incensed to read that some idiot splattered green paint on the Lincoln Memorial last week. I hope this is an isolated incident, but just to make sure, I suggest members of Congress grab their sleeping bags and take turns guarding Honest Abe. At least they’d be getting something done.
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Knucklehead of the Week
Brewers slugger Ryan Braun has been suspended for the rest of the season for using performance-enhancing drugs, costing him about $3.5 million. That stings, but what the disgraced Braun will regret for the rest of his days is what he said in 2012 after avoiding the PED police on a technicality: “I would bet my life that this substance never entered my body at any point.” What a dope.