We don’t ask for a lot here in Ohio. We’re happy with an occasional Rose Bowl, a consistent change of seasons and lakes filled with muck. So why does Mother Nature ruin one of our precious prep football Friday nights with a monsoon? High schools that play on fake grass are feeling pretty smart today.
I have been ordered to undergo a drug test here at the newspaper. My bosses became concerned about my critical thinking skills after I predicted the Browns would finish second in the AFC North. Looking back, that prediction made as much sense as that Wisconsin-Arizona State finish. Or Cleveland trading Trent Richardson to the Colts for a first-round pick that will be nowhere near the top of the draft.
Richardson might not be a modern-day Leroy Kelly, but he has talent. We’ll see how much now that he’s with Indianapolis, which has a passing game to take some heat off their new running back. Sorry, Browns fans. It is sad when a team waves the white flag in September.
If the Buckeyes need to buy a win next year, I hear Earlham College is willing to come to Columbus. The Quakers probably would make the trip for less than the $900,000 OSU had to pay Florida A&M to participate in Saturday’s scrimmage. Seriously, season-ticket holders, are you happy with this schedule?
If the Reds can get past the wildcard play-in game, they could be dangerous in the playoffs. Why? They have two weapons nobody else in baseball has: Aroldis Chapman and Billy Hamilton. One thing they don’t have is a first baseman who will sample fans’ nachos. I can’t see Joey Votto thinking about doing what Prince Fielder did last week. Hilarious.
I hate the Yankees, but I’ll miss Mariano Rivera. The best closer in baseball history has one week left in his career. The Yanks’ last home game is Thursday against Tampa Bay, and here’s hoping Rivera gets a chance to save that game. New York finishes the season with three in Houston.
Great scene from Fargo, N.D., Saturday’s venue for College Gameday. Best sign in the crowd: “Yes We Have 4G.” I’ve been to Fargo and it’s a great city. They also have indoor plumbing and electricity!
Snooty restaurant l’Auberge was razed the other day to make room for a bank. Because we don’t have enough banks, right? The banks were getting jealous of microbreweries, which seem to be going up on every corner. You’re next, frozen yogurt shops.
Knucklehead of the Week
An audiotape featuring Nebraska football coach Bo Pelini dropping F-bombs about Husker fans was leaked last week. The rant was recorded in 2011 after Nebraska rallied for a 34-27 victory against Ohio State. The main reason the Huskers were able to erase a 27-6 deficit was not Pelini’s brilliant coaching; it was due to a Braxton Miller injury. Remember Joe Bauserman? Pelini also said, “We’ll see what they can do when I’m (expletive) gone.” Well, “they” probably won’t give up 70 to Wisconsin.