I paid an $85 speeding ticket last week to the sneaky city of Dayton. I got nabbed by one of those un-American speed cameras while rushing home to retrieve my son’s baseball cleats on a quiet Sunday morning. They were on the back porch and not on his feet. Young Jake will be washing my truck weekly until the first frost.
If Major League Baseball wants to stop all of this Biogenesis-like nonsense, here’s an idea. Make the guys who are guilty of using performance-enhancing drugs sign autographs for two hours before every game — for an entire season. I don’t care if it’s raining or 95 degrees. Get out there! The threat of having to mingle with the commoners will be enough for pampered players to take their PEDs to the trash bin.
Speaking of steroids and such, I hope Monday’s Home Run Derby is mildly entertaining. The American League should win this annual slugfest. The Orioles’ Chris Davis probably could take on the National League’s weak lineup (Michael Cuddyer?) all by himself. Too bad Miguel Cabrera is skipping the festivities.
It’s one of the great debates of our day, right up there with what to do with Edward Snowden and is ABC Family really a family channel (it’s not). The ESPN-manufactured Yasiel Puig all-star discussion is getting old. He’s not on the NL team, but I’m expecting some shenanigans. I’m expecting Carlos Gomez to come down with the sniffles and Puig to suit up, injured or not.
I like the Cavs’ signing of oft-injured big man Andrew Bynum. He once was a star with the Lakers before his knees protested. The deal is for two years and $24 million, but only $6 million is guaranteed. Man, I can’t believe I just typed “only” in front of $6 million. That used to get you a bionic man. Now it gets you a gimpy center.
Ohio State will have six home football games in 2017 because of the Big Ten’s wise decision to schedule nine conference games. The Buckeyes usually have seven or eight home games, which produce huge revenue. So, to keep those wildly popular pistol, fencing and lacrosse teams going, I’m guessing football season-ticket holders will be digging a little deeper.
Longtime Browns fan Scott Entsminger took his fandom to a whole new level after he died July 4. The Mansfield man’s obit stated that “he respectfully requests six Cleveland Browns pallbearers so the Browns can let him down one last time.” That guy should’ve been a sports columnist.
NBA star Kevin Durant is getting married to Minnesota Lynx standout Monica Wright. Can you imagine how good their kids will be? They’ll make some lucky youth coach look like John Wooden.
Knucklehead of the Week
Lionel Messi, regarded as the world’s best soccer player, hosted a charity match in Chicago last week. Some deep-pocketed fans paid $2,500 a pop for a meet-and-greet with Messi at Soldier Field. One problem: Messi didn’t show for the session. Dozens of soccer fanatics waited two hours before being told Messi was giving them the red card. A few days earlier, Messi backed out of a charity match in Los Angeles.